forget the death of me

Saturday, October 29

I FEEL LIKE TEARING HER APART
BREAKING HER INTO PIECES
OH GOD I FUCKING HATE THAT BITCH

she told me to get out. like i love it here. you can just wait. that day will come. that you have my word

i can't remember when it was good
moments of happiness elude
maybe i just misunderstood
all the love we left behind
watching the flash backs interwine
memories i will never find
staying awake to chase a dream
tasting the air you're breathing in
promise to hold you close and pray
watching the fantasies decay
nothing will ever stay the same
all the love we threw away
all of the hopes we cherished fade

someday you will find me
just not now

my life is in a mess. wun someone just do me a favour and shoot me now.
its agonising. perhaps going away is the only thing i wanna do now. i want a break from everyone. everything.

2:28 PM

Friday, October 28

I JUST FEEL SO FUCKED UP

a rough day
came a silent realisation of something i cannot change
so now am i being too demanding
setting my hopes too high
asking for the impossible
all i want is someone i can lean on
someone i can call in the middle of the night when things are going wrong
someone i can giggle with at the slightest dumbest joke
someone i can check out emo guys with
someone i can share my life with
someone whom i'll never run out of things to talk about
someone who can brighten up my day
someone who can make me feel like i'm never alone
someone i can pour my soul to
someone who can make me smile even when nothing seems to go right
someone who can go crazy with me
someone who can enter my world
into my deepest thoughts
to know my greatest fears
to know me from inside out
such that there's no pretense at all
cheers to a friendship so true so genuine
but i guess i'll never find you
this is wearing me out
killing me on the inside
tearing me apart slowly

well it seem as though no one wants to do a single thing about anything
yea i'm just so tired of going on like this
so sick of our superficiality
forgive me for giving up on us
as i set myself free from all this shit

i know you're very upset. i know you're feeling down. i'm sorry i couldn't do anything to make you feel better. my shoulder is always there for you to cry on. hang in there

10:37 AM

Wednesday, October 26

oh i read a book today
this couple were murdered on their wedding
when they were about to have sex (what a waste)
and the serial killer (like any other) raped her after he killed her
i seriously don get it
why can't he rape her first then stabbed her
imagine having sex with some corpse (oh gross)
oh well she's hot though

9:05 PM

TIME HAS TOLD

bad day. very bad day. i am very unhappy. yes.

i wanted freedom
bound and restricted
i tried to give you up
but i'm addicted
now that you know know i'm trapped
sense of elation
you'd never dream of
breaking this fixation

sing a long long winded song, i'll be contented to hum along

8:13 PM

Tuesday, October 25

My heart is pounding
From all of my surrounding
Enemies are closing in
In this nightmare I don't win
No one left to trustLiving in disgust
The memory brings the start again
As I suffocate, hang me out to dry
I've been here before
My twisted little nightmare
It's recurring now
I've been here before
I've got my heart tied up
Just like they wanted
I guess I'll do this again
My heart is breaking
From the words you're saying
This eerie feeling seems so strange
Let me go, I need to change
This love I confess
This night seems endless

9:48 PM

Sunday, October 23

oh god. she made me so pissed. and guess what. i told her to get out and shut my door. i swore she almost burst. that look on her face. oh god. so exhilarating. to think she actually made me rephrase myself in a nicer tone. like hello mum. just get out of my fucking little pathetic room and shut the bloody door. how about that?

where were you while we were getting high?

10:48 PM

Sunday, October 16

ONE BOY. ONE GIRL. TWO HEARTS. THEIR WORLD.

time really flies. two more weeks and its like end of sec three life. wow and then we'll be graduating next year and a whole brand new life continues. can't wait for the home room system next year. gonna be so different from these three mundane years. changes. i'm all for it. be it to better or worse. changes just enhances life don't you think? imagine life without changes. stale and monotonous. boring and static. how sad.
life is full of contradictions. people change. circumstances change. best friends become strangers. one moment you're flying high, the next you're asphyxiated. one minute you love the next you hate. disappointments feel like the end of the world. discouragements spell hopelessness.

5:37 PM

Friday, October 14

three jabs in a day. how nice.
ran off the seat
got ticked off =/
then it wasn't so bad after all
ultimately, my threshold for pain increased

and so we had such a crazy time
did the silliest thing
got a couple of unapproving stares
had a mass killing of prawns
we've all got pretty weird eating habits =)
its just been awesome
if only mal was there
it would have been better
what a waste

got cable at last!
daddy bought the whole series of lost
OMG!!!

11:35 PM

Wednesday, October 12

MY SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS

god i fell asleep and miss my stop
stranded alone in woodlands
fell from the stairs
got bruises everywhere
took the wrong train
headed towards the wrong direction
wasted a hell lot of time
OMG
what a day
a seemingly nice day
with unfortunate events beneath

its funny how i always shed tears of anger
hurhur so pathetic
little things break my day
at the same time
little sweet things make my day
i hate my low threshold for pain
someday i would like to get involve in some car accident
and go for some operation (ha! i wish!)
i would stay in mount elizabeth when i do
and munch chips all day long (okay thats really dumb)

i wanna go to a place
some place far from this superficial world
i wanna swim through sweet lullabies
and fall asleep in your arms tonight

its great talking to you =)
been a long long time
those were the days

10:36 PM

Sunday, October 9

MY FRIEND'S GOT A GIRLFRIEND AND HE HATES THAT BITCH

ha. contradictions. don you just love it?

somewhere down the road
i've lost myself
trying to be the person i want to be
in the reflection
i see her
she looks so familiar yet so strangely apart

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

7:01 PM

Saturday, October 8

I NEED A MIRACLE

in the depths of despair
a surge of exasperation
forlorn attempts gone to waste
watching time slip by
minutes and seconds
yet all i could do was to stare
praying hard for what they all call a miracle

had so much fun yesterday. did something we haven't done in ages. feels like we're back to the good old days. days of ignorance more like it. yea it was good. sometimes it just seems like we're so caught up in our own lives to the extent that we inevitably neglect one another. well nobody is to blame. it takes two to clap.

the most hilarious conversation i had on msn lately:
some ass:hi can i fuck you
me:and i suppose you are?
that ass:i'm a horny bastard
me:yea apparently
and it goes on...
lame ass:bye darling i will come back another day
end of conversation

i'll be working on that proposal =)
four more days-

You sink your teeth in
bite the blood that drains the life inside of me
and fills your soul with love and hate
and all those things you need to breathe
My body dies
but still my soul remains eternally in search of
Caspian waves and shallow graves

Death will make you dream past tense, your hopes fly high and your life make sense.

12:25 AM

Thursday, October 6

gone without a trace

in the midst of exam. i'm GONNA do well. yes thats it.

absence never makes the heart grows fonder
it only dissolves whatever feelings thats present

does he really love you?

read between my lines
look further inside
search deeper within
enter the darkest room
and there you'll find me

7:45 PM

Sunday, October 2

had the most productive days of my life. been mugging so much.its so satisfying to get so much work done in so little time. and after two bloody weeks its gonna be OVER. ha.
sk had a watermelon for his birthday on friday. they wanted to smash it into his face. it was then told that a layer of oil was to be observed as a result. =/
days of pure mugging are just oh so mundane. make time fly.

i'm fucking pissed mum
i rest my case

bring me silence to the restless screams inside my head
They haunt me every time
I close my eyes
I've had enough of it

ten days to go-
one more attempt
one best shot
one last chance

3:52 PM